Conversational Questions

One of our favorite ways to make time with our family and friends more meaningful has been to use questions. We started doing this about 20 years ago at our annual Christmas party when we exchanged grab bag gifts. Our questions have been a source of both fun and meaningful sharing and have helped us learn new things about even lifetime friends. For our party, we ask things like, “What is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas?” or on the lighter side, “What is the worst gift you ever received?” We’d ask about past events and hopes for the future. For this event, we have always given the guests a choice of three questions.

We recommend using planned questions at dinners, on special occasions, on car trips, as ice breakers, or as a way to help informal socializing at events like small group meetings be focused and inclusive.

Questions are a great way to get kids involved in conversation with adults. They might not like to be put on the spot with the same old question, “How is school?” but have fun being part of a group answering ones like, “What would be the most enjoyable way for you to spend $25. tomorrow?” ~ “If everyone were required to wear a hat, what sort of hat would you wear?” “If you could create a unique piece of furniture for your room, what would it be?” “What is something you forgot once that you will NEVER forget again?”

The questions on special days can actually become a tradition. For instance, at birthdays, you could ask the same questions every year. Like…

What were the most significant events of the past year?

What is your hope for the coming year?
What was your best birthday?
For the guests: What are your hopes for the birthday person?
For milestone birthdays:
What was the highlight of this decade/hope for the next?
When and where were you born?
What are your earliest memories?
You might like to create a written journal or video diary to save the answers.

Other appropriate occasions are reflections on New Year’s Eve, thankfulness on Thanksgiving, reminiscences on Valentine’s Day or anniversaries, planning & dreaming on First Day of School or First Day of Summer, and so on.

We recommend The Complete Book of Questions by Garry Poole and “Chat Pack” by Bret Nicholaus & Paul Lowrie, as good sources of questions.

There also questions on
http://www.focusonthefamily.ca/parenting/mealtime-questions/mealtime-questions
http://www.everydayfamily.com/blog/20-dinner-table-conversation-starters/
http://thefamilydinnerproject.org/conversation-2/conversation-starters
http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/family/conversation-starters
(These are oriented toward dinner conversation, but they may be helpful in inspiring ideas.)