Just for Women

Traditions by Kathy

The word tradition comes from the Latin word traditio meaning “teaching” or “tradition.” developed from its basic meaning, which was “the act of handing something over.” We use celebrations and traditions to build our faith and our values and to build relationships and community.

Throughout history, it has been women who have been the main keepers of family and friendship traditions. We’re good at it! I have a friend who has held a mom camp at her house for almost two decades (although I think it’s time for her to start calling it “grandma camp”) I cannot imagine her husband organizing a dad camp!

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A few of the women on a Mom Camp Outing a Few Years Ago

I cherish the relationship I have with the women in my life. When I was a young girl, I had an aunt who took a special interest in me. Knowing how much that meant, I am extremely grateful that my three sisters care deeply about my daughter. They have taken her on outings and trips, spent time working on projects, and encourage her by praying for her, giving her advice, and supporting her endeavors. Sometimes this is spontaneous; at other times it’s planned. For her 16th birthday, her grandmother and all of her aunts and I took her out for lunch. On that occasion, she was given a locket with their names in it. She is now thirty-two and she still wears and treasures this locket.

By the way, aunts do not have to be biological; during my high school years I was blessed by two women in my church who generously shared themselves. They spent time with me, they encouraged me, and they believed in me. Because of that, I wanted to live up to their expectations. It was a pleasure to have a relationship with them as adults. One of them was a missionary in Taiwan for most of her life, so I sometimes only saw her once in a decade, but she remained a special person to me and we stayed in touch until her death not long ago. These women demonstrated kindness, faithfulness, patience, and love to me.

The other woman lives very near me and has been a good friend my whole adult life. When I was in my 20’s & 30’s I had the opportunity to be a mentor to her daughter. I had always been a friend to her, but after our church started a sponsorship program, we made the commitment to get together at least once a month. Even after I was no longer her official sponsor, we continued one of our traditions we had for many years was to Parisienne cookies at Christmastime. During those afternoons we had conversations about life that I still recall.

Neither of these relationships just happened. Both of the women took on roles in the church we attended that caused them to spend time with me on a regular basis. We can have good intentions, but most of us live very busy lives with many distractions. We need to be intentional~ that is to act on our good intentions by setting goals and making plans.

A tradition is really just a habit, but one that is valued and often involves extra effort and is special. For instance, I brush my teeth before I go to bed every night. I do not consider that a tradition. But if someone were to say that on the last night of every month, they were going to take a candle light bath, get a massage from their spouse, and then read in bed while drinking gourmet hot chocolate, that could be considered a tradition. (One some of you might want to consider starting.)

WHO

Plans need to be specific. For the women here, I would encourage you to think and pray about WHO you would like to build a relationship with, whose life you would like to help build. It might be your daughter, a niece, a daughter of a friend, a neighbor, or a girl in your church.

WHAT

Think about WHAT you want to accomplish. Do you want to be an encourager? Strengthen family ties? Pass on the skills and gifts God blessed you with?

For girls and young women, I would encourage you to spend time with an older woman. Relationships with your peers are obviously very important and you might not see the full value now of time spent with a mentor or honorary aunt, but I promise you that when you become an adult and look back on your life, there is a good chance that you will feel as I do about the women who befriended me.

HOW

Think and pray about HOW you can be a blessing to the girl or woman in your life.

Blessings

One way is to literally put your blessing in writing. Think about your daughter, niece, or friend. Consider her personality, her gifts, her experiences. What do you hope for her? What do you pray for? What qualities in her do you appreciate and affirm? Write out or print up your blessing, maybe even do it on nice paper with a border and frame it.

Letters

Girls and young women, I encourage you to write a letter of love and gratitude to your mom or other special woman in your life. Tell her what you fruits of the Spirit you see in her and tell her specific things she’s done that you appreciate and have been influenced by. Be specific~ Don’t just say “I love you” ~ Tell them a reason you love them. I love how patient you are with me even when I act silly or crabby. It would make your mom or aunt or friend really happy to hear you name a few of the things you most appreciate about her.

Journals

Girls, if you want to do something super special for your mom or mentor, consider starting a small journal now to give to her on Mother’s Day. Give each page a title such as:

What I love most about you
The nicest thing you ever did for me
The funniest thing I ever saw you do
A unique thing about you is
The trait you have that I most hope I emulate
One of my favorite memories of you
The spiritual gifts I see most evident in you
What I wish I could give you

You don’t need to fill up every page; you can add to it every year. Of course, this gift would be appropriate for any special person in your life.

Tablecloths

Another way you can honor your mother is by using a special tablecloth every year. Choose a light colored one that you can write on with Sharpie permanent markers. Each year use a different color to write a memory or thank you and the year. Little children can have their handprints traced until they are old enough to write.

Interviews

It’s important to get to know your mother, grandmothers, aunts, and mentors. My best friend died a few years ago and her daughters love to hear stories about their mom. While you are blessed to have your mother or grandmother with you, find out all you can about them. Make up a list of questions and interview her. You might want to ask her to write out the answers or you might want to videotape her.

Ask her if she ever had any childhood nicknames.
What is her favorite childhood memory?
What was her best subject in school?
What was her worst?
How did she meet your dad/her husband?
What did she think of him when she first met him?
What is her favorite passage of Scripture? Why?
What does she think is her greatest accomplishment?
In what area would she says she’s still a “Work in Progress?”
What is she looking forward to in the next decade of her life?

Memory Lane

Moms, grandmas, aunts, and mentors, share your life with your children and/or grandchildren. Take them on a trip down Memory Lane by visiting favorite places in your hometown including childhood homes, churches, and schools, the site of your first date with your husband, etc. Also, take time to look together at family photos, scrapbooks, and videos at least once a year, perhaps on birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Year’s Day

Dates

Dates are not just for teenagers. Schedule dates with your children and friends, whether it is to just have lunch together, or to go somewhere special like a concert or museum, or to work on craft projects.

Sharing of Skills

Think about the gifts and skills that God has given you that should pass on to your children, grandchildren, nieces, or other young women. Cooking is the most obvious one. Pass down family recipes and learn some new ones together. Not everyone loves to cook~ In our household my husband Jack is the cook. What are your gifts and passions? Do you sew, garden, take pictures, do calligraphy, quilt, or knit? Choose an activity and plan it as you would of you were teaching a class~ Set a time, think about what you will do at each session, and what tools or materials you’ll need.

My sister, a friend, and our daughters get together every month to make cards. We enjoy the relationship and the creative activity, but spending time together would just be a good intention if we didn’t put it on the calendar every month.

Collections

Another fun thing to do is to build a collection together. It doesn’t matter what you collect; the point is the fun of finding new pieces to add to the collection. Some ideas are postcards, pins, ornaments, charms, or boxes.

Get-Aways

Plan a reoccurring special activity with the women in your life~ I have an aunt who has six daughters. Every year they go away somewhere together for a long weekend. This time has really bonded the women in that family; they have a strong family identity which you can see from the special t-shirts they have made up to wear together.

As I mentioned before, I have a friend who has hosted a mom camp for many years. She arranges a week when her husband and four sons would vacate the house, going to camps, conferences, or a relative’s house and for that week her home becomes a hotel. She plans meals and outings, but of course many hours are spent just sharing our lives.

I also have college friends who meet every ten years or so. Although we have grown in different directions, we shared a time of our lives that was extremely influential in our development during the crucial time of moving from our parent’s homes and philosophies to determining our own directions and learning to live independently or in a marriage relationship. Because we shared adventures in navigating academics, dormlife, relationships, and outside activities, as we transitioned into womanhood together, we will always have a relationship that brings understanding and empathy, encouragement, and and enjoyment. With these friends, we can relive meaningful times from our past, we can cheerlead and encourage for current struggles and successes, and promise support and enjoyment of the future.

Freshmen in Dorm and 25th Year Reunion

Girls Night Out

Invite friends, women in your church family, grandmas, aunts, and/or girl cousins. Some ideas: Watch a chick flick or classic girls’ movie like Little Women or The Little Princess, have a home spa night where you do each other’s hair, make-up, and nails, decorate cookies, or make jewelry. You can even do a girly sports night. The men of my small group have a tradition of watching Bears games together. When the Bears were playing the Green Bay Packers in the playoffs, the women also wanted to watch the game, but instead of joining the guys, we decided to have our own football party. We had comfy pillows and blankets all around the room, lots of chocolate and other snacks, and even when the game got hopeless, we still had a good time visiting together. I’m thinking that an annual women’s football night would be a fun activity to establish as a tradition.

Use Technology

It is especially important to be intentional about maintaining relationships with the women who may be far from you geographically. It could be a grandchild, a college student, or a niece who has moved away. In recent years I have found that technology is very effective for developing relationships and showing love.

FACEBOOK~ my 83 year old mother, my nieces & nephews, former Sunday School students, and many of my children’s friends ~ Use it to communicate, encourage, and pray.

Video Chats~ Dinners, (Regan & babies) game nights, read stories, craft activities

As much as technology is very convenient in our busy lives, I don’t think anything will ever take the place of personal handwritten letters~ We don’t all love to write them, but I don’t think there is anyone who doesn’t appreciate a pretty and thoughtful handwritten card of thankfulness, sympathy, encouragement, or congratulations. One of the things I do when I need to write a special letter is to compose it on the computer. I think about it, pray about it, write a draft, revise it, then after I am satisfied with it, I copy it out by hand

Remember the old reporter’s 5 W’s: Who, What, When, Where, & Why?

WHO

Who will God put on your heart to connect to?
Girls and younger women, do not be afraid to ask your aunt or friend to spend time with you.

WHAT

What tradition could you establish? ~ What could you do together?
A service project, a hobby, movie nights, monthly cookie baking, a Bible study or book discussion…

WHEN

Make a commitment for connecting on a regular basis.
I would suggest once a month if possible. If your connection is going to be between a mother and daughter who live together, it’s almost even more important that special times be scheduled

WHERE

Don’t forget video chats if getting together isn’t possible ~ Grandmothers & granddaughters, out of states aunts & nieces, mentors & college students… Set up a standing virtual date.

WHY

Through being intentional and establishing traditions, you can have a life-changing impact. Recently I was at a book-signing for a man had been a college professor for many years and who just wrote a book on mentoring. He said he was recently asked who are his mentors. His first thought was that his mentors had died, then he said that as he thought about it he realized that the young men he mentors also mentor him. Proverbs 27:17 says “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” As you are intentional about spending time with others, you will create lifelong memories, enrich one another, grow and strengthen each other, and help one another other become the women God created you to be.