Using Technology to Strengthen Family and Friendships

The Internet | Social Networking | Blogs | Web Pages | Pictures | Video Visits | E-mail

Conventional Wisdom says that technology is disrupting family life. People worry about kids spending too much time playing video games, teens texting instead of talking, adults wasting time surfing the Internet, and dangers such as the invasion of our privacy. Twenty-five years ago, there were only a thousand internet devices in existence; within eight more years, there were a million. Recent estimates are eight to ten billion!

Cellphone calls, text messages, Facebook, Instagram, and other new forms of communication have weakened family life ~ Right? Actually, wrong. According to what is described as the first major study on the impact of technology on families, published in October 2008 by the Pew Internet & American Life Project, family life has actually been strengthened by communication through devices such as cell phones and computers. Families say that technology doesn’t cut down on physical presence, but it does allow families to know what each other is doing during the day.

Facebook is destroying the Nuclear Family ~ True or False? True, in a good way! Social networking is destroying the isolation of the nuclear family from the extended family~ With electronic means of staying in touch, grandparents, aunts & uncles, cousins, adult siblings are reconnecting.

Here are a few statistics from the Pew study:

25% of parents said instant messaging has helped improve relationships with their children.

89% of American families have at least one cell phone. Only 2% of adults said that use of cell phones and other new technologies decreased the quality of family communication. 47% said it improved the quality and 47% said it had no effect. 53% said they helped them stay in touch with distant relatives.

70% of American married couples who have cell phones call each other every day. About half connect with their children every day.

An additional benefit of the new technology is that it has cut down on TV viewing~ 25% of people say that they watch less and only 58% of 18-29 year olds now say they watch TV every day.

USING THE INTERNET

52% of American families who use the internet go online with another person in their home at least a few times a week. 86% of families go online together at least occasionally and families with multiple televisions and computers are just as likely to share screen time.

Families and friends can:

Play games together~ There are even fun sites that teach or reinforce math & reading skills!

(Our family enjoys playing online forms of Boggle such as Scramble. With Weboggle we can play as a team even when we’re in different states. This game can be found at http://www.wordsplay.net/ Warning: Some players choose offensive names~ There is an option on the score panel to “disemvowel” them; it hides all the vowels in the player & team names.)

Research information for areas of mutual interest, school reports, travel, pets, purchases, etc.

Find ideas for the holidays such as craft projects, area events, and other tested traditions.

Take virtual tours of famous places, museums, etc.

Listen to music, sermons & speeches, or stories.

Share “Hey, look at this!” videos on sites such as YouTube, Tangle, Vimeo, and UltimateTube.

Host an online shower. Why would you want to have a shower over the Internet instead of in-person? Perhaps an engaged couple lives far away from their family and friends or an expectant mom is on bed rest. Your virtual shower can include a guest book, photos, blogs and/or real time chats, games, and links to gift registries. The event can last for a day, several days, or even a few weeks. If you can’t or don’t want to set it up yourself, sites like webbabyshower.com/ will do it for a fee. Even “real” parties often use online RSVP sites for invitations and responses. It’s fun to be able to see who is coming to an event and to be able to leave a greeting if you can’t make it.

Are you familiar with Caring Bridge.org? It is a wonderful site for people to share and update their struggles with serious illnesses and surgeries. MealTrain.com is a great resource to help people organize meals for new moms or families in difficult situations.

Links to Websites We Recommend

Check out celebrationsandtraditions.com/links/ for sites on family activities and traditions, as well as for holiday ideas

SOCIAL NETWORKING

A friend from second grade, cousins in Kentucky, the daughter of a college roommate, a former colleague, over 40 former Sunday School students, our daughter-in-law’s parents, a missionary in Albania, the wife of our former pastor, a sister-in-law in Texas, and our children. What does this diverse group of people have in common? They are all Facebook Friends.

There are many social networks, but in this newsletter we are going to focus on the one we personally use the most, Facebook. Facebook has enabled us to be part of the lives of these people in ways that we wouldn’t have dreamed of a few years ago. In “real time” we get to see pictures of our son paddleboarding in Florida, our daughter-in-law’s classroom bulletin board, our daughter fishing with friends in Wisconsin, our honorary grandchildren, and the smiling faces of many former classmates (whom we can see have not changed a bit since our school days). We can find out when a friend is ill or has a big test coming up and needs prayer, when a friend is to be congratulated or sent birthday greetings, or when a friend starts a new job, tries a new hobby, or recommends a new book or movie. Prior to Facebook, even with letters, e-mail, instant messaging, and phone calls, we didn’t enjoy this extent of connection and communication. Through Facebook, we have reestablished relationships with at least six out-of-state nieces and nephews that we formerly hadn’t seen or talked with for a decade! There are many people who slip out of our lives, despite good intentions to keep in touch. Facebook is an amazingly easy way to reconnect and stay connected with family and friends.

Here are some testimonials from other people:

“ I am now friends on Facebook with my mom, my siblings, my 82-year old aunt, and dozens of cousins, children of cousins, nieces, nephews, and other extended family.”

“At 55, and with an empty nest, we have found that the social media has really blessed our lives. When our youngest left, we longed for the fun banter and conversation that had permeated our home for over 30+ years. These electronic networks full of pictures and conversation have increased the memories and make us proud to be at this point in our life. We have even used some of our creativity to contribute to the conversation and assist others to connect in a meaningful way.”

Have you avoided Facebook because it’s a “waste of time”? It can be a fun frivolous pursuit, but it doesn’t have to be time-consuming. We personally ignore almost all of the games, gifts, gimmicks, and groups except for those directly related to our church, schools, and families. You can choose to check it daily, weekly, or rarely. If privacy is a concern, there are options that allow you to hide parts or all of your information from everyone except those to whom you choose to allow access. If you are on Facebook, be sure to check out our Facebook pages Celebrations & Traditions and The Advent Book!
Celebrations & Traditions              The Advent Book

BLOGS

Blogs may be personal journals or public forums. Personal journals can be used to keep families and friends updated with news and to share pictures and videos. Two of the most popular blog hosts are WordPress and Blogger. Sometimes people in a crisis such as undergoing a difficult cancer treatment or caring for a child born prematurely will start a blog to enable concerned friends and family members to be kept aware of the family’s progress and needs. One of the most popular is CaringBridge.org.

Sometimes people follow a blog belonging to someone they’ve never met~ For example, a mother may choose to follow other moms’ blogs to find ideas, resources, and encouragement. There are blog communities for people in almost any situation; some are even organized by geographic location.

Moms might want to check out heartsathomeboard.org/forums (Hearts at Home) and http://www.mops.org/hello-darling-bloggers (MOPS). Bloggers can subscribe to news feeds (RRS) for to be notified of updates on favorite blogs or discussion topics.

Although millions of people use Twitter, we’ve found that many just don’t “get it” or find it useful. Twitter is a sort of mini-blog. One difference between posting updates on Facebook and putting them on Twitter is that people don’t have to join Twitter or become Friends to see “Tweets” (although privacy controls are available). Also, your comments do not show up on anyone’s Home Page, so you may feel freer to post more frequent and/or trivial comments. So… Is there a compelling reason to consider using Twitter? Although it’s true that comments like “I just ate half a pizza.” “Sitting in traffic.” “Watching 60 Minutes” are not terribly interesting to most people, there are situations for which you might appreciate Twitter, especially with updates from mobile devices. Some examples are:

For doting grandparents or other relatives to follow a mom/baby’s labor, delivery, homecoming, first word, meal, steps, potty-training, etc.

For parents and friends of someone on an adventure~ a missions or college choir trip, a sports or debate competition, etc.

For following the wisdom and actions of a favorite pastor, teacher, writer, etc.

For churches or ministry groups to use to update members with reminders and information on activities, opportunities, prayer requests, etc.

PERSONAL WEB PAGES

There are many ways to develop and maintain a web page for family or friend groups. We think the easiest is Facebook. To start a group on Facebook go to https://www.facebook.com/help/167970719931213/. It’s free and very simple to set up. In addition to public posts (messages, pictures, and videos) on the page, you can send private messages to members of the group.

You could create groups for extended family, friends from a school you attended, your church, a book club, MOPS group, etc.

Two examples of commercial family website hosts are myfamily.com and FamilyPlanIt.com.

DIGITAL PICTURES

We remember when the only way to share photos was to go out to buy a roll of film, take some pictures (waiting until we finished all 24 or 36 shots before removing the film from the camera), sent or drove over the film in to be developed and waited for it to be processed and returned for pick-up; then choosing the pictures we wanted copies of, taking the negatives back to the store to be developed, finally mailing the pictures to a recipient. This could take weeks! Now everyone takes amazing digital picture of new babies and birthday celebration on their phones and shares them instantly.

In addition to sharing digital photos on slide shows, DVDs, blogs & websites, you can also scan old hard copy photographs and save them as digital files to share in the same ways.

Websites for Online Photo Sharing

There are a number of sites that will display your family pictures. Try Snapfish, Flickr, Instagram, Picasa, and Photobucket.

Websites for Creating Photo Albums

There are dozens of companies that will help you create beautiful personalized photo albums.

Good Housekeeping Magazine Review (http://www.goodhousekeeping.com//best-web-site-photo-books) lists their favorites:

Overall Winner
www.Shutterfly.com

Value Selection
www.cvsphotocenter.com
Easy to use, but not as many creative options

Most Versatile
www.ourhubbub.com
Total artistic freedom~ Choose everything from photo size and placement to caption fonts and more
Over 50 cover styles to choose from

For Mac Users
iPhoto (An album can be created on your hard drive with iLife software)
www.apple.com/ilife/iphoto/print-products.html

Blurb and Mixbook also received good reviews from reviews we checked.

Some sites also offer services for printing calendars and/or Christmas ornaments using your favorite pictures.

VIDEO VISITS

This technology is very useful for friends and families separated by distance. Family members all over the world can participate in everyday life, birthdays, graduations, other special events, and holiday traditions. (One family wrote to us to tell us that they had enjoyed reading The Advent Book via video cam with the dad, who was stationed in Iraq.) What a blessing!

When you plan virtual visits, we recommend having an activity planned. It helps avoid stilted conversations and awkward silences and keeps children engaged. Besides meals or games, you can simultaneously work on craft projects, read an article or short story for discussion, or use a question resource such as Chat Pack.

Some games that can be adapted for playing long distance are: Scattergories, Taboo, Charades, CatchPhrase, Password, Pictionary, and Boggle. (With the latter two, you will probably want to focus the camera on the game itself at times.) For most games, you’ll need to have a copy of the game on each end.

For a visit with grandparents, children can read aloud a story or composition of their own, play a musical instrument, demonstrate a tumbling skill, or even just show them how a new toy works.

A while back we celebrated our first Christmas without our son, Shea. He was newly married and he and his wife Becky were spending Christmas with her family on the East Coast. We decided to use web cams to include them in one of our favorite family traditions, Question Time. (Each family member answers a question, then opens a “Goodie Bag” with small treats. See https://celebrationsandtraditions.com/holidays.html#favoriteactivities for a full explanation of Question Time.) We sent Shea & Becky their “Goodie Bags” ahead of time. When the extended family gathered together to answer the questions, Shea & Becky were able to participate with us via computers. (Ours was hooked up to a large screen TV.)

Whatever you do, we recommend structuring it so that people take turns talking. Spontaneous chatter can be difficult to follow because of limitations such as deficient sound quality, small screens, etc. We recently enjoyed a short visit between our extended family (15 people present) and Shea & Becky while we were having dessert on Easter Sunday~ It was fun, but for clarity we recommend also putting the camera in a quiet room and limiting the number of participants to 1-4 at a time. That’s generally the most that can be on the screen at once without placing the camera too far away to see people’s expressions clearly.

There are many programs you can use. Some are: Skype, Google Hangout & iChat/iMessage and phone apps like Facetime or Viber.

TEXTING

A young adult friend of ours advises, “Moms and Dads, don’t be afraid to get a Facebook account, don’t be afraid to text your daughter, or IM your son, chances are they will communicate with you via these channels because they are familiar with them… A great example, about a half year ago, my dad starting texting me and your know what, we now have a consistent conversion via texting as I have moved out of the house. Sure, it was most likely awkward for him, but he is communicating with his son.” He also recommends: “Parents, try to keep up with the terminology, lingo, and technology concepts, a least a little. The more you know about a piece of technology, the more you will be able to protect and enjoy technology with your children. Your children will respect you if you at least know a thing or two about their video game system, iPad, cell phone, or computer… The more you know, the more you can connect with (who knows, you might actually like playing your daughter’s Wii or son’s Playstation 3)… Sit down and play a video game with your child. I guarantee, for the first few minutes you will think its the stupidest thing ever and you will be frustrated, after that you may actually like it (if its a wholesome game). While you may not be enjoying the game, I can also guarantee that your son or daughter is getting a good laugh at how bad you may be at it! But if we step back, you and your child are spending time together, sitting there, playing a video game. Remember, if you want them to do activities that you want to do, then you may have to do activities they want to do. Once again, technology has allowed you to connect with your child!”

E-MAIL

It’s not extinct quite yet! Two benefits of communicating by e-mail versus a blog or social network (i.e. Facebook) are that you can write to anyone, regardless of whether they have joined that network, and that you don’t have to depend on your family or friends to regularly sign visit the site to check messages. (There are still a few people out there who don’t regularly check their e-mail either~ You know who you are!)

E-mail is great for providing extensive information such as directions, explanations, or lists and for communicating needs and prayer requests. Members of our church small group really appreciate updates when they miss meetings~ And even those who attend are glad to have prayer requests, dates, and reminders of future reading assignments in writing. One of my favorite group e-mails is the one my extended family does each Christmas~ We post our gift wish-lists (which always include non-material gifts) and comments about what we’re looking forward to, who will be missed, etc.

We take it for granted, but it is truly amazing that we can send a letter to pretty much anyone, pretty much anywhere, and that it will get there pretty much instantly~ all for free. It is a blessing!

In addition to letters, you can also send cards. There’s nothing like the “real” thing, but if a date comes and you realize that you have missed the boat for sending snail mail, there are e-card services that have great cards you can personalize and send, some for a fee and some for free.

We’d love to have you share your ideas or hear your stories about how technology has strengthened your family & friends’ relationships. Please encourage others by posting your stories on our Facebook Celebrations & Traditions page.